I am undecided, unsure, and so very confused..

It’s been a couple weeks since I’ve updated. So for a quick recap, I was accepted to go with GMI to Bolivia despite the confusion, but after some research and prayer, I decided not to go. Since then, I’ve had NO idea where I should go. Maybe Cambodia? Maybe Thailand? But I’ve found nothing that fits the dates I would like to go. 

Then there is the feel of self-doubt. Questions like “Should I even go this year?” and “I don’t feel worthy of even going..” along with my parents hinting that God’s will involves me not going or waiting until I graduate to go, really are not helping the situation at all. 

I need a plan. I need to know where I’m going, what I’m doing, how I’m getting there. Not having that is extremely unsettling. I don’t know where to go from here. 

But until I do, I’ll just focus on these lyrics from our theme song, 

“Give me faith to trust what you say
 That You’re good, and Your love is great.
 I’m broken inside, I give You my life.”

I am terrified of the unknown. I can’t handle not knowing things vital to my life. Like, oh, where I will be serving next year.The less I know, the harder it is for me to prepare, therefore the more I will freak out.

 I thought I finally found a place in Collana, Bolivia doing something. Still not sure what I would’ve been doing, but I at least I was set to go.  Then today I found out that apparently they filled my spot with another SM, even though they had recently confirmed I was going. Now I have to start all over.

So until I find more out, I just have to trust that God knows what He’s doing. Maybe Collana wouldn’t have been a good fit. I don’t know. But until I find out more He’s surrounded me with a much needed sense of peace. I just have to realize that God isn’t going to leave me hanging and trust Him to place me where I am needed most.

“And surely I am with you always, even to the very end of the age edge of the unknown.”

                               - Matt 28:20